I didn't know it was domestic violence - guest blogger

Inhale, exhale. My heart is pounding in my chest because I'm writing this so please bear with me. I decide to write this guest blog to tell my story. I'm not going to name drop because some family members still refuse to accept what they saw as abuse.

No one told me that what happened was domestic violence. I had a mom, dad, brother and a sister that I love very much. In many ways, I am still a scared child. It's hard for me to separate the love from the hurt. Our parents are gone now but my siblings and I are all in recovery in each of our own ways.

Growing up, the school taught me about good-touch, bad-touch. They said it was abuse if someone touched me where my swimsuit would cover it up. Nobody said anything about somebody touching you where jeans and a shirt would cover up.

That's what they taught me at school. The touch I learned at home was different. I call it now the shut-up touch. Whenever one of us came to close to talking about 'family business' our parents had a way of shutting us up. Pinches, hits, slaps... this is what I knew.

My friends families were the same way. They didn't say so but you could hear their parents yelling. Across the street, down the street, behind my house, it was all the same. My parents yelled and hit each other. Their parents yelled and hit each other. We went around pretending that it wasn't happening or that it wasn't any big deal. It was like we were in a movie or something.

I'm changing all that now. It's taken me two bad relationships and a million dollars worth of therapy to get where I can write about it. When the therapist first said it was domestic violence it blew me away. I was like um okay whatever etc. I looked it up online and had some more sessions with her. Damn. It did fit. :(

When you're dealing with crap there's nobody that can tell you what to do. You have to be ready to deal on your own time. There is no fairy godmother that's going to do it for you.

Things are okay now though. I've come through it and learned a lot. I'm not being robbed of my self-esteem hourly and for a couple years life has been really good. I'm with a good man who loves me now. He wants what's best for me and I want the same thing for him. My husband's family was the same so we both know what violence does. We talk and when we disagree we get some space and talk when the dust settles.

Our daughter will be two and she has a happy place to call home because we are making it work. There isn't any more domestic violence in my home anymore. I guess that's what I wanted to say.

A.J.M.

Originally published 9/24/12

Don't forget to #rockpurple4dv12 tomorrow

Don't forget to Rock Purple for Domestic Violence Awareness Month on Friday, October 26, 2012. Participation is easy. Wear purple, put a teddy in purple, create a purple ribbon or armband and take a photo of it. Then, share the photo on your favorite social media site. That's all there is to it.

Did you know that some people don't know that Domestic Violence has its own awareness month? Some people are misinformed that it's April (actually Sexual Assault Awareness Month.) This year, let's work together. Rock purple on the last Friday in October. Use the official hastag #rockpurple4dv12 to let the world know that you're participating.

Not sure how to join in? This blog post has a few ideas.

(Survivors who are currently in a dangerous relationship may not be able to participate. Always put safety and common sense first. If you need help contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or 1−800−799−SAFE(7233).

Rock purple for domestic violence awareness Oct. 26, 2012

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and purple is the designated color. On October 26, people are invited to post photos of anything that will help raise awareness. Let's stand as one to let the world know that domestic violence is unacceptable. Participate in Domestic Violence Awareness Purple Day.

#rockpurple4dv12 Domestic Violence

Stand with us as we raise our voices to raise awareness. Use the hashtag #rockpurple4dv.

There are tons of ways to join the #rockpurple4dv12 on Domestic Violence Awareness Purple Day on October 26. Here are a few ideas:



Create a poster and hold it up while standing behind it in the photo.
Turn your blog purple or use a purple font.
Tie a ribbon around a teddy bear take a picture.
Make a painting and photograph it.
Create an awareness display at work or church and post the photo.
Take a close-up of a ribbon on a jacket or blouse.
Wear an armband and take the photo.
Post a purple ribbon graphic
Photograph a clothesline display or silent witness project.

Add to the impact of Domestic Violence Awareness Purple Day by putting a statistic on the photo or poster. Get stats and information from http://www.thehotline.org/, http://www.nnedv.org, http//www.ncadv.org, from your local shelter or state coalition.

Safety note
The choice of whether to participate in Purple Day or not is an individual decision. When making the decision, survivors of domestic violence should use their own good judgement and always put safety first.

Our blog gives abuse, domestic violence survivors a voice

Our blog gives abuse, sexual assault and domestic violence survivors a voice. Our goal is to encourage survivors as they heal. Do you have an original poem or article that you want to share? Become a guest blogger and add your voice to this blog. Email us at countmein@hopeforhealing.org to find out more.

Wear purple ribbons during DVAM

Here are a few more ways that you can be a part of our work

DVAM
Next month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In 2011, we posted a month long series of status updates to raise awareness on social media sites. Survivors and friends from across the globe joined in to promote these updates on their own social media sites like Twitter and Facebook. You are invited to join us again in 2012 and raise your voice. The status updates are available here for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Internet Radio
We are recruiting people who want to share on our internet radio show Voices of Hope. Show guests need only a cell phone or computer and microphone. Each 30 minute segment is available indefinitely as a podcast. We are also on the lookout for chat room volunteers. The room can be open during each segment.

Conference calls
This is a new way that our organization can give survivors a voice. We are planning to schedule conference calls in October. Abuse survivors and friends will have the opportunity to phone in and share with others. To allow for conversation flow, the number of participants will be limited. Look for more details to come.

Clergy training
Abuse survivors can help us spread the word about the clergy training. We will also be offering survivors the chance to briefly their your experiences. Our typical training course is six segments. This year, we will be offering short classes of about 1 hour duration and may offer the full course.

What do you think? Would you like to raise your voice to support other survivors? Contact us to get started. As always, if you have additional ideas or comments, then just let us know. Leave a message in the comments section to share your ideas with the world.

Education outreach dispay at men's conference

Many thanks to those of you who stopped by our booth at Calling All Men. We appreciate each and every one of you. Talking to you, hearing your stories and providing you with the tools that you need are what we are here for! We can help with the following:

• Survivors - We can provide support, understanding and help you locate emergency resources
• Pastors - We can provide training to help you understand the unique needs of victims who are already within your congregation. Our staff can help you create a resource list so that you will be ready to help your parishioners at a moment's notice. We also have pulpit helps, responsive readings and bulletin inserts. Contact us for more information.
• Friends - We can help you by providing you with the support, education and resources that you need to be better able to help your friends.

No one deserves to be a victim of domestic or sexual violence. No who is dealing with these issues needs to feel alone. Outreach displays help us get the word out and reassure other victims. Thanks to Calling All Men for allowing us to get the message out. Would you like us to display at your event? Email countmein@hopeforhealing.org today.

Education outreach at weekend event for men

We're getting ready to set up an education booth at Calling All Men in Knoxville, Tennessee this weekend. This is a popular United Methodist Men's event that draws people from across the Holston Conference. To reach as many people as possible, Calling All Men is carried over for two weekends. Different speakers are presented at each.

This weekend, the event will be held at Concord UMC. Our display will include stats about men in domestic violence. We have fliers about men as victims and how men can stop intimate partner violence (also known as domestic violence).

Calling All Men has made space available to us ever since the first event. Education is the first step in stopping the abuse. We are grateful for the opportunity to reach so many men from across the Holston Conference.

If you are going to be at Concord UMC, then be sure to look for our display. Pick up some information and leave your name to be placed on our e-mail distribution list. Best of all, leave your card and we will gladly provide a speaker or display for your next group event.

Domestic violence awareness display at a mens conference

When it comes to stopping domestic violence, both men and women are equally important. Women are most often victims but, it's important to realize that either gender is capable of inflicting emotional, physical, sexual or spiritual harm on the other.

This Saturday, Hope for Healing.Org will again be displaying at the conference of the Holston United Methodist Men in Abingdon, Virginia. The revival-styled event is aptly titled "Calling All Men". Not only does it lift up and encourage men of all walks of life but the event provides education in several areas including domsetic violence.

Be sure to stop by our display at Calling All Men. By working together, we can stop domestic violence. Stop to talk a minute, pick up some information and leave empowered.

See you in Abgindon, Virginia tomorrow. After that, we'll see you in Knoxville, Tennessee at the next Calling All Men event.

Show tribute to Susan Murphy Milano raises awareness; conquers cancer

Susan Murphy-Milano has been long recognized as a crusader for victims of domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence. She has faced an uphill battle in her crusades for justice. Now, she fights for the battle of her life.

Susan is facing a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer. Like many uninsured Americans, her medical care is being compromised by a lack of funding. It is a story that advocates across the U.S. are too familiar with. Too often, the victims we take care of face the possibility of losing health insurance. Policies are expensive so agencies can't provide them and advocates can't afford them.

To try to help Susan Murphy-Milano, friends have gathered to create a special segment of D-Talks Radio. The show features Denise Brown (sister of Nicole Brown Simpson) and Danielle Pierre (Life Coach to the Stars). It is a tribute to Susan that honors her work and raises awareness of both intimate partner violence, cancer and the plight of uninsured Americans.

You can catch the internet radio show at http://bit.ly/NFbncp. You'll find directions for donating on the page (although neither donations nor a fee are required to download the show). The broadcast is available on demand. Share the link with others who may be interested. It's impossible not to walk away inspired.

Radio show tribute for Susan Murphy-Milano; Conquering Cancer

Please help us spread the word about an internet radio tribute for nationally recognized, Susan Murphy-Milano. She is a an inspirational champion for domestic violence survivors. Now, she is fighting a battle with cancer as an uninsured American.

D-Talks Radio Show is hosted by Denise Brown and Danielle Pierre. The show was originally set to air on Thursday, July 12 at 9 p.m. However; technical challenges have caused the producers to reschedule to Monday, July 16^th at 9 p.m. EST  at http://bit.ly/OmVqmO Will you help us spread the word by posting the link to your favorite social media site and by sharing it with contacts who may be interested? 

Show participants include:

• Delilah Jones - President of Imagine Publicity   
• Anne Bremner- Seattle Attorney, and one of the Nation's most recognized Legal Analysts     
• Burl Barer- True Crime Author and Radio Host
• Denny Griffin - True Crime Author and Radio Host
• Diane Dimond- Newsweek Investigative Reporter, Journalist and Author, Media Analyst
• Diane Fanning- True Crime Author and Crime Novelist, Author of Mommy's Little Girl
• Donna Pendergast - First Assistant Attorney General-Criminal Division, Michigan
• Dr. Laurie Roth - Syndicated Radio Host, Author and Presidential Candidate
• Gayle Crabtree - Founder of Hope For Healing, Org., Advocate and Trainer for Intimate Partner Violence in the Church, Author of Does God Love Me

Walking away from unhealthy lifestyles

Survivors of domestic violence may carry excess baggage. It is not unheard of for people to self-abuse, exhibit risk taking behaviors or to have problems with drugs or alcohol. Walking away from unhealthy lifestyles can be as difficult as walking away from abuse. Drug use or other unhealthy behaviors begin as a way to cope with the pain that comes from being a survivor of abuse.

Learning new lifestyle patterns can bring a deeper level of healing. The walk may be tough but abuse survivors can do walk away from abuse and into wholeness. Drug rehab and overcoming other issues won't happen overnight. However; it will come and it can begin right now.

Our affirmation for today is:

For right now, I will walk away from
unhealthy patterns in my life which once
held me captive.

Unhealthy lifestyles don't have to keep abuse survivors in bondage. A domestic violence program, therapist, support group or Addiction treatment center can help you find your way. Abuse survivors are strong. We have the ability (and the right) to develop good self-care skills, form supportive relationships and to learn how to overcome. Most of all, we deserve to be happy. Walking away from unhealthy lifestyles can help us find out how good life can become.

Providing domestic violence information at Holston Annual Conference 2012

Here are a  couple of photos of our educational display. Since 2002, we have made domestic violence information available to the Holston Annual Conference.

Domestic violence display
at the Holston Annual Conference.

A lot of water has gone  under the bridge during that time. We are proud to say that the laity and clergy here,  have grown better at recognizing the effects of domestic violence within their congregations.

This year marks the first time that we have sold out of training materials. Leadership who found these materials to be sold out can place orders through our organization.

Photo of  missions display area
at the Holston Annual Conference.

We are glad to help you become more knowledgeable about domestic violence. Thank you for being part of the solution to this worldwide problem.

The staff and volunteers  of Hope for Healing.Org also wants to thank everyone for your support over the last ten years. We look forward to future years in service to the Holston Annual Conference.

Aaron Tippin concert benefits East Tennessee shelter

Aaron Tippin concert will help end domestic violence. CEASE is an East Tennessee domestic violence program that needs to make repairs to its shelter. Aaaron Tippin, Mike Short and Lindsay Jurek putting their talents together to help raise funds for this domestic violence program . The benefit concert is on May 12 at Nolichucky Vineyard in Russellville, Tennessee.

Aaron Tippin benefit concert for CEASE with Mike Short and Lindsay Jurek
Saturday, May 12
Gates open 4:00 pm.
Concert begins at 6:00 pm.
Tickets are available online via Nolichucky Vineyard for $29.95.

If you want a really cool experience you can meet the recording artists, relax during a wine tasting and enjoy some heavy hor'dourves . These tickets are $100 each. How often are you going to be able to meet Aaron Tippin, Mike Short or Lindsay Jurek? With these tickets you can help the shelter and meet the artists!

We have worked with CEASE in the past and are always impressed at the lengths they will go to help victims of domestic violence.

Can you imagine being a mom with a little boy or girl with nowhere to go? It happens. I have seen CEASE create space for clients who desperately needed it - even though they were at capacity. This organization is that impressive.

Buying tickets locally is easy. Just go to:
Nolichucky Vineyard
Hampton Inn of Morristown
The Fret Store
Ingenuity 101
Rix Copies

The Aaron Tippin benefit concert on May 12 can only help
CEASE make necessary repairs if we buy tickets. If the concert is too far for you to travel, then you can still help. It only takes a few minutes to blog about it and less time to tweet or share the press release link on your Facebook page. Donations through ceasefundraising@gmail.com  are also welcome. Helping victims of domestic violence is a cause that we can all get behind. The concert just makes it fun.

Have you created an evidentiary abuse affidavit yet

As a survivor, have you created an evidentiary abuse affidavit yet? This is something new that some survivors of domestic violence are just now learning about.

This tool is a way for survivors of domestic violence to document the abuse that they are experiencing. Document the Abuse has information on the evidentiary abuse affidavit and how it can be used to support a case. A phone app is in development and will be available in the near future.

It's the brainchild of Susan Murphy-Milano who discusses the process in her book Time's Up. When it comes to helping victims deal with abuse, this lady knows her stuff. She has been in the field for 20 years and brought all of her knowledge into creating the evidentiary abuse affidavit. Susan believes in this because she feels that it will help survivors to be safer.

Also on board with this project is Sandra L. Brown of Safe Relationships Magazine. Plus legal analyst and attorney, Holly Hughes and Pastor Neil Shori are speaking out in support of the evidentiary abuse affidavit. Hope for Healing.Org is a supporting community partner.

The affidavit is simple to create. Here's a video demonstration. Click the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit link to find out more about creating one.

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Our last Domestic Violence Awareness Month update is

Our last social media update for Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a reminder about the National Domestic Violence Hotline. It is also a repeat of our second social media update. We believe the message is strong enough to repeat. If you on send one tweet during this campaign this update is the one you need.


Status update for October 31
Do you know a #domesticviolence victim who needs help? The @NDVH http://www.theHotline.org can help. #dvam #dva


We want to say a big thank you to everyone who helped for Domestic Violence Awareness Month 2011. Your Tweets, RTs and profile updates have made a difference in the lives of others. You can feel good about know that you played a part in educating about abuse. 


Everyone at Hope for Healing.Org wants to express our appreciation of the help you gave. On behalf of victims everywhere, thank you. 

Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Get the facts about DV

It seems like it just began yesterday but Domestic Violence Awareness Month really is almost over. Social media updates have been shared throughout the month. But, we're not finished yet. Here's one more for you to use:

The October 30 Domestic Violence Awareness Month status update is:

Domestic violence Awareness Month. Learn the facts about DV at http://bit.ly/t7qqSR #dvam #dv

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is nearly over

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is nearly over. The good news is that raising awareness is something that can be done all year long. There is no need to wait for another October to roll around so you can make a difference.

Acts of domestic violence happen all year round but it doesn't have to. Those of us at Hope for Healing.Org and advocates around the globe believe that abuse is preventable. That's why we have dedicated so much time in October to create status updates that you can use to raise awareness. However, these udpates don't have to only be used during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. They can be Tweeted and posted throughout the year.

Why not share this with your friends and followers? Here's a status update that can be shared now.

Domestic violence awareness doesn't have to stop on Oct. 31. Get status updates at http://www.thehopeblog.org anytime. #dvam #dv #abuse

Can you spot an emotionally abusive relationship? http://bit.ly/v1lLcv #dvam

Do you know the signs of that a relationship may be emotionally abusive? This article by Health Central covers warning signals that everyone should learn about. The article outlines 10 signs to watch out for in a relationship. The article talks about isolation from family and friends, verbal abuse, blaming and more.

It is important that everyone learn to recognize these signs. Can you help us pass the word along? October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We're posting one status update each day to help raise awareness. Twitter and Facebook are important tools to help us spread the word. Please consider posting the following status update to your Facebook profile or tweet it to your followers. It only takes a minute.

Thanks.

Status update for October 27:

Can you spot an emotionally abusive relationship? http://bit.ly/v1lLcv #dvam

Phoenix DV programs simulates victim experience http://bit.ly/usSgBg #dvam

Would it be helpful if every city replicated what is happening in Phoenix? They are holding a program to simulate the experiences of victims of domestic violence. This finally gives non-victims a chance to understand what it is like to go through the system.

Participants are given a bio sheet of a victim and told to go through different stations. Each one of these will simulate what victims will go through. At the end of the program there will be a wrap up with discussion. The event is called "In Her Shoes' and is open to the public.

We have chosen to raise awareness of this event as our status update for today. There are only a few more days in October. Will help help us during Domestic Violence Awareness Month by retweeting this status update or post it to your Facebook page? 

Status update for October 27

Phoenix DV programs simulates victim experience http://bit.ly/usSgBg #dvam

Get free #DVAM status updates here http://bit.ly/3XvbBq

Throughout the month of October we're posting blurbs and links daily. You can use these to raise awareness of domestic violence by posting them on your Facebook page or by sharing them on Twitter. It's never been easier to support victims.

While you are posting why not invite your friends to do the same? October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Together, we can all take a stand that can make a different to someone. The status update is below. It'll on take a minute to post it. Go ahead. Make a difference.

Status update for October 26 is:

Get free #DVAM status updates here http://bit.ly/3XvbBq

More 1:4 Stalking victims also report cyberstalking http://bit.ly/uauDN3 #dvam

Futures Without Violence indicates that cyberstalking may be on the rise. More than 1:4 victims of domestic violence are also reporting that they are victims of cyberstalking. Technology can make our lives better in many ways. However, any good thing can be turned into something bad.

Please help us keep technology working for the betterment of us all get the word out to others about cyberstalking. It only takes a minute to share the message below on Twitter or post it to your Facebook status. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We're posting a status update daily. Please share it with your friends and followers.

October 25, 2011 - Domestic Violence Awareness Month status update

More 1:4 Stalking victims also report being victims of cyberstalking http://bit.ly/uauDN3  #dvam