I didn't know it was domestic violence - guest blogger

Inhale, exhale. My heart is pounding in my chest because I'm writing this so please bear with me. I decide to write this guest blog to tell my story. I'm not going to name drop because some family members still refuse to accept what they saw as abuse.

No one told me that what happened was domestic violence. I had a mom, dad, brother and a sister that I love very much. In many ways, I am still a scared child. It's hard for me to separate the love from the hurt. Our parents are gone now but my siblings and I are all in recovery in each of our own ways.

Growing up, the school taught me about good-touch, bad-touch. They said it was abuse if someone touched me where my swimsuit would cover it up. Nobody said anything about somebody touching you where jeans and a shirt would cover up.

That's what they taught me at school. The touch I learned at home was different. I call it now the shut-up touch. Whenever one of us came to close to talking about 'family business' our parents had a way of shutting us up. Pinches, hits, slaps... this is what I knew.

My friends families were the same way. They didn't say so but you could hear their parents yelling. Across the street, down the street, behind my house, it was all the same. My parents yelled and hit each other. Their parents yelled and hit each other. We went around pretending that it wasn't happening or that it wasn't any big deal. It was like we were in a movie or something.

I'm changing all that now. It's taken me two bad relationships and a million dollars worth of therapy to get where I can write about it. When the therapist first said it was domestic violence it blew me away. I was like um okay whatever etc. I looked it up online and had some more sessions with her. Damn. It did fit. :(

When you're dealing with crap there's nobody that can tell you what to do. You have to be ready to deal on your own time. There is no fairy godmother that's going to do it for you.

Things are okay now though. I've come through it and learned a lot. I'm not being robbed of my self-esteem hourly and for a couple years life has been really good. I'm with a good man who loves me now. He wants what's best for me and I want the same thing for him. My husband's family was the same so we both know what violence does. We talk and when we disagree we get some space and talk when the dust settles.

Our daughter will be two and she has a happy place to call home because we are making it work. There isn't any more domestic violence in my home anymore. I guess that's what I wanted to say.

A.J.M.

Originally published 9/24/12

Aaron Tippin concert benefits East Tennessee shelter

Aaron Tippin concert will help end domestic violence. CEASE is an East Tennessee domestic violence program that needs to make repairs to its shelter. Aaaron Tippin, Mike Short and Lindsay Jurek putting their talents together to help raise funds for this domestic violence program . The benefit concert is on May 12 at Nolichucky Vineyard in Russellville, Tennessee.

Aaron Tippin benefit concert for CEASE with Mike Short and Lindsay Jurek
Saturday, May 12
Gates open 4:00 pm.
Concert begins at 6:00 pm.
Tickets are available online via Nolichucky Vineyard for $29.95.

If you want a really cool experience you can meet the recording artists, relax during a wine tasting and enjoy some heavy hor'dourves . These tickets are $100 each. How often are you going to be able to meet Aaron Tippin, Mike Short or Lindsay Jurek? With these tickets you can help the shelter and meet the artists!

We have worked with CEASE in the past and are always impressed at the lengths they will go to help victims of domestic violence.

Can you imagine being a mom with a little boy or girl with nowhere to go? It happens. I have seen CEASE create space for clients who desperately needed it - even though they were at capacity. This organization is that impressive.

Buying tickets locally is easy. Just go to:
Nolichucky Vineyard
Hampton Inn of Morristown
The Fret Store
Ingenuity 101
Rix Copies

The Aaron Tippin benefit concert on May 12 can only help
CEASE make necessary repairs if we buy tickets. If the concert is too far for you to travel, then you can still help. It only takes a few minutes to blog about it and less time to tweet or share the press release link on your Facebook page. Donations through ceasefundraising@gmail.com  are also welcome. Helping victims of domestic violence is a cause that we can all get behind. The concert just makes it fun.

Our last Domestic Violence Awareness Month update is

Our last social media update for Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a reminder about the National Domestic Violence Hotline. It is also a repeat of our second social media update. We believe the message is strong enough to repeat. If you on send one tweet during this campaign this update is the one you need.


Status update for October 31
Do you know a #domesticviolence victim who needs help? The @NDVH http://www.theHotline.org can help. #dvam #dva


We want to say a big thank you to everyone who helped for Domestic Violence Awareness Month 2011. Your Tweets, RTs and profile updates have made a difference in the lives of others. You can feel good about know that you played a part in educating about abuse. 


Everyone at Hope for Healing.Org wants to express our appreciation of the help you gave. On behalf of victims everywhere, thank you. 

Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Get the facts about DV

It seems like it just began yesterday but Domestic Violence Awareness Month really is almost over. Social media updates have been shared throughout the month. But, we're not finished yet. Here's one more for you to use:

The October 30 Domestic Violence Awareness Month status update is:

Domestic violence Awareness Month. Learn the facts about DV at http://bit.ly/t7qqSR #dvam #dv

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is nearly over

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is nearly over. The good news is that raising awareness is something that can be done all year long. There is no need to wait for another October to roll around so you can make a difference.

Acts of domestic violence happen all year round but it doesn't have to. Those of us at Hope for Healing.Org and advocates around the globe believe that abuse is preventable. That's why we have dedicated so much time in October to create status updates that you can use to raise awareness. However, these udpates don't have to only be used during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. They can be Tweeted and posted throughout the year.

Why not share this with your friends and followers? Here's a status update that can be shared now.

Domestic violence awareness doesn't have to stop on Oct. 31. Get status updates at http://www.thehopeblog.org anytime. #dvam #dv #abuse

Domestic Violence Awareness Month social media updates

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Social Media can be a huge force to help educate others about the problem. Help the cause by post status updates to Facebook. Share with others by tweeting and retweeting messages that raise awareness. Use the hashtag #DVAM to help organize tweets.

Our status update for October 1 is:
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Visit www.thehopeblog.org for a daily status update.#dvam

Those who are new to Twitter may not understand how important the use of hashtags are. That's ok. It's essentially a Twitter filing cabinet. The #DVAM at the end of tweets let's followers quickly and easily find all the messages that relate to Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This way, they can share the posts with their followers.

We'll be posting daily status updates here that you can use. They'll be at the top of the blog post each day. All you have to do is subscribe to the blog to receive the messages. Then just copy and paste the updates to your Facebook profile or tweet them to your followers. We ask that you please RT if you follow us on Twitter.

Thanks for your help! We thank you and survivors of domestic violence do too.

Yes. We will have status updates for DVAM

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and it's right around the corner. People have been asking if we will be posting to the Hope Blog like we did for Sexual Assault Month in April. The answer is yes, we will be posting one update per day throughout the month of October.

Status updates for Domestic Violence Awareness Month are designed to be tweeted, re-tweeted. The short, pithy updates are perfect for posting on your status. They are a great way to reach out and educate others. Every time we step out to raise awareness we become one step closer to ending the abuse.

Most of the status updates will link to help or education websites. Look for updates with links to the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the Teen Domestic Violence Hotline.

We are also going to be tweeting some stats and facts. Did you know that 1:4 women in the U.S. has already experienced abuse in her lifetime? Did you know that as many as 10 million children witness domestic violence annually?

Some people downplay the effects of domestic violence. We don't. That's why we'll be tweeting, posting and sharing on our Facebook page and we hope you'll join us.

Presenting a workshop on teen domestic violence

We're gearing up to present on teen domestic violence Thursday. The workshops will be held in partnership with another nonprofit organization in the Knoxville/Oak Ridge area.

At Hope for Healing.Org we're always glad to work with other nonprofits. It expands the team and broadens the impact that we can all have on the attendees. Discussing teen domestic violence is difficult. It's never easy to think that our kids could be victims of something so heinous.

The fact is that like adults, teens become victims of domestic violence daily. Many of the high school girls that you talk with either know someone who is a victim or is in an abusive relationship.

I would like to say that we don't see this in the kids that we work with. The problem is that we do. But it goes further than that. High school victims of abuse are more likely to become victims of domestic violence in adulthood. They can also have a long list of problems in that affect their high school performance.

This is a hard subject to discuss but one that we must have. If you aren't sure how to talk with your teen about abuse contact the National Teen Dating Hotline for help.

Domestic violence and Memorial Day

Memorial Day officially kicks off the beginning of summer. It's time to plan swimming pool parties, backyard barbeques with friends and for domestic violence survivors to create safety plans.

In addition to fun, summer also means a spike in temperatures and tempers. This combination can lead to an increase in incidents of domestic violence. That's why it can be important for survivors to consider safety planning. If the worst happens, what will you do? How will you get out of the house? Then what?

Hopefully you will never need a plan. But, if you think that you might it's much better to create one before you need it. An advocate from your local domestic violence program can help you create a safety plan. It only takes a phone call or a visit.

Everyone at Hope for Healing.Org wishes you a safe, happy Memorial Day and summer.

New show on Here Women Talk

Susan Murphy-Milano says "Time's Up" for unresolved cold cases. Her new show brings the cases forward so Lady Justice can have her say. Catch the trailer for her show on the You Tube trailer below.

Signs that a youth may be a victim of teen dating violence

We spoke earlier about a session that we did on Teen Dating Violence. Since the class, we've had several requests for information on signs that a youth may be a victim of teen dating violence. Becoming aware that there may be a problem is the first step toward stopping it. 

To help, we've put together a list of common signals. You won't necessarily see all of these symptoms but even a few could mean that it's time to talk. Any of these could indicate that a youth may be a victim of teen dating violence. 

If you recognize any of these warning signs it's time to talk with your teen. Gently and kindly ask if everything is ok. Tell your teen that you are concerned and why. Give the teen a chance to respond and reassure her or him that you care. 

Signs that a youth may be a victim of teen dating violence can include:

Withdrawal from family,friends and interests

Changes in daily rituals

May become overly concerned about clothing

Increased text messaging

Second cell phone

Evasive behavior or lying

Wearing clothing that is inappropriate for the weather

Obvious injuries

Having to “check in” frequently with abuser via phone, text or otherwise

If your teen reveals that she or he is involved in an abusive relationship don't panic. Contact your local domestic violence agency for help. They can guide you on creating a safety plan and on anything else that you may need to do to keep your teen safe.

Teen Dating Violence Session

Last week's session on Teen Dating Violence was presented to a packed crowd. We really appreciate everyone who came out and I want to specifically thank Liz and Chante for their help. An information packet was emailed to those who have requested one. Please let me know if you want one and I'll be glad to email that out to you. 

It is very sad that abuse effects so many teens annually. The bright spot is that so many people are willing to come, learn and use their new found knowledge. Certificates of attendance have been emailed to class participants. 

We heard from a couple of people who would couldn't come because of other commitments. This happens sometimes. Our volunteers have come up with a solution. We are going to be holding teleclasses later this spring so be sure to watch the newsletter for details. 

One of the topics that we covered at the Teen Dating Violence Session was about the warning signs of victimization. Parents of teenagers need to know what the possible signs of victimization are and they need to know about possible signs of abusive behavior.

Tomorrow, we're going to be looking at signs that a youth may be a victim of teen dating violence. There are two things that everyone should keep in mind when looking at teenagers and domestic abuse. 

#1. If you suspect something, say something.

#2. Abused teens are abused kids. Be aware of your child abuse reporting laws. 

Abusers try to keep victims emotionally and physically away from others. Saying something can be the first step in breaking or preventing a cycle of teen dating violence.

Abusive boyfriends may force some teens to get pregnant

We talked a little about teen domestic violence in a previous post. The eye-opening stats are not pretty. There is something else that needs to be talked about. Some reports are indicating that abusive boyfriends may force some teens to get pregnant.

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Dr. Elizabeth Miller is credited as being the first to make this connection. In 2000, she was volunteering her services at a Boston area crisis clinic. A tragedy involving a patient made her ask questions about teens, pregnancy and teen domestic violence.

Photo Courtesy of MorgueFile

Her questions led to a research study. In all, 61 teens from a low income section of Boston were interviewed. Of the 53 girls who where involved in a dangerous relationship 26% reported that their boyfriends were actively trying to make the girls become pregnant.

Love is Respect has a list of warning signs that could indicate that a teen is being abused. Health care providers, advocates and parents should become familiar with the warning signs. It may be time to ask the hard questions if a teenager is pregnant and any abusive warning signs exist.

Abusive behavior is about power and control. It is not about love. If you are a teen or a parent of a teen it’s ok to get help. The Love is Respect.org link above provides information and resources that can make a difference.