Already, emails have started coming in. The facts in this case are not yet clear. It may be an incident of domestic violence or not. Time will tell the tragic tale.
What we know is that domestic violence happens across all walks of life and in all types of families. No family is exempt. Not even clergy families.
Pastor's Wives may feel even more shut in and isolated because of the pressures from being "the pastor's wife". It's hard to reach out for help. Wives of pastors often have very little support in place. While her husband may have received some training in dealing with the pressures of ministry life she probaby did not.
When domestic violence happens in a clerg family it may be harder for her to feel as though she can seek help.
Few denominations offer counseling to couples. Those who do offer it may use counselors who do not have specific training in the area of domestic violence. They may not know the legal options a victim. Some counselors will even try to counsel the victim wife and offending husband together as couples counseling or family therapy!
Another barrier may be that she may find herself having to turn to the very domestic violence agencies that her husband's church supports. Imagine taking food and clothing to an agency one week and then coming in for crisis services the following week. This alone can keep a pastor's wife from seeking help.
In a nutshell, domestic violence is an issue with no easy answers. All victims deserve the support and help they need to heal. If you are in a relationship where abuse is present know that it is ok to reach out and get help - no matter what your abuser's profession or your profession might be.
4 comments:
Yes, this is true. I was a "pastors" wife at one time. You feel you have to be "perfect" and you are under alot of stress; you feel there is no one to turn too. Your husband may be doing things wrong and "sin like" and there is no one to tell, because your family will suffer. I believe it was a state of insanity.
Thank you for letting me post anonymously. My denomination has an EAP. Maybe he's ok for some issues but in our session he missed (purposefully?) all my "hints". Bruises showing on my arms, my not talking w/o my dh speaking first, deferring in all things to my dh. Everyone I know is in our church. No one will ever belive me.
Thanks for discussing this situation with such sensitivity. Church-going people who are abused may feel more isolated because talking about problems may feel like a betrayal of the marriage vows.
I remember reading a church article admonishing the abused to stay because they would get their reward in Heaven. However, the author of that article didn't bother to admonish abusers.
I think most of us suspected this from the first report. Its very common.
Dariana
(formerly from Strawberry Plains, TN)
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